True confessions

I’m always searching for interesting blog topics, and think I found one—true confessions. Have you seen these posts on Facebook? A person confesses his or her secret for the cyber world to see. Makes for interesting reading.

Why would anyone do that!

But I’ve decided to follow the trend and publish my version of true confessions. Okay, here it goes.

The question? If you were to be granted only one wish for Christmas this season, what would it be?

My answer?  A black 1969 SS Camaro with racing stripes and a variety of other muscle car features that I really know nothing about but nevertheless excite me.

Wrong answer.

The correct answer, of course, is world peace, love, and harmony for all the children of the world.

I would have made a terrible Miss America.

My true confession is I can be horribly selfish. I don’t mean to be bad. I just am.

Case in point, Black Friday, THE day for maximum Christmas gift shopping. But I rarely buy anything for anyone else on this day. All I think about is how cute those shoes would look with the outfit I bought at the last store. Or how could I possibly pass up a bargain on a sweater or a pair of jeans.

When I walk into a store, my eyes light up at all the beautiful things, clothes especially. I’m not usually materialistic. It’s that I love shopping—for me.

And when it comes to gifts, I know it’s the thought that counts, but I really like opening up presents. I really like surprises.

According to Dr. Larry Chapman, who wrote the book The Five Love Languages, I’m not materialistic. I [thrive] “on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift.” It’s true. I associate people with things. Take jewelry, for example. I don’t wear expensive jewelry. I don’t like expensive jewelry, but I like cheap, unusual necklaces if they hold special meanings.

I’ve worn rings from candy machines, and I’ve worn shell necklaces from the beach just because one of my little boys gave it to me. When I wear these gifts, I feel as though I have a part of them with me.

Sappy, huh?

Allow me to clarify the gift of an expensive ’69 Camaro.

I would have no problem accepting that gift from anyone at anytime. So, last minute shoppers, just throw the keys into your shopping cart, and send that sucker to me. I won’t complain.

The four other languages include words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch. My mother always told me, “Actions speak louder than words, and, ironically for a writer, I have always lived by her advice. But each person has his or her own language.

I know that at the holidays it’s better to give than to receive, but, true confession, I really have a difficult time doing that. Fact is receiving brings out the kid in me. I get sooo excited.

Selfish.

When I get something in my mind, that’s what I want, and nothing else will do. I remember writing to Santa one Christmas for a blue banana seat buzz bike. I pictured it in my mind. It was all I ever wanted. And on Christmas morning, I woke up and found a sparkling metallic gold bike with a basket and tassels hanging from the handlebars.

I couldn’t hide my disappointment. I didn’t get what I wanted. I got what somebody else picked out for me. How could Santa do that when I specifically asked for a blue bike?

My parents were disappointed too—in me for my lack of gratitude. My heart sunk when I realized I had let them down, but I couldn’t believe Santa didn’t read my letter closely enough. I’ve always been a perfectionist with outstanding handwriting. He should have caught my specifics. Looking back now, I realize the gold bike was the prettiest one at the North Pole. But it wasn’t what I wanted.

Selfish.

I attach way too much sentimental value to objects. Even chocolate donuts.

When my husband and I first married, we rarely saw each other because we were going to school and each working many, many hours just to be able to afford rent. Typical meals consisted of pork and beans and unsweet Kool-Aid. (I HATE pork and beans.)

In addition to my scholarship job and working at the library, I also used to babysit our neighbor’s little boy. To my horror, I saw the little boy in our living room, watching our TV, and eating one of my prized chocolate donuts that my husband had given him.

You probably don’t understand how special those chocolate donuts were to me. (I don’t eat them now—too fattening.) Chocolate has always been my drug of choice, and this kid was eating one of the last ones in the box. Pay day was weeks away, and I didn’t have the money to go buy another box.

After the father picked up his kid, I lit into my husband and picked up one of the last remaining donuts, zinged it like Josh Beckett straight at the man who invaded my stash. I caught him in the left ear.

I always kept my donuts in the refrigerator because I like cold chocolate. Plus, my father taught me how to throw a baseball. I didn’t throw like a girl, so I dinged him pretty good.

That was stupid. One, he is a lot bigger than me, and two, I threw away a perfectly good donut. This incident was totally out of character for me. I usually keep everything in. But when it comes to chocolate—

The donut was more than a donut to me. It was a symbol of reward after hours of sacrifice. That kid didn’t deserve my donut.

Selfish.

Just a couple of weeks ago my journalism students and I played Secret Pal, and we brought small gifts to our people. I had a nice chocolate candy bar picked out for my person. But I was so stressed out that I ate it before I could give it to him.

Selfish.

I’m working on my selfishness. But I still have a terrible time during the Christmas season. I despise the commercialism, but I love shopping. I just don’t like shopping for others in general.

But when I’m shopping for a SPECIAL gift, I will go to the extremes to get it, even if it means traveling over the hills and far away.I put a lot of thought into special gifts. It really bums me out when people don’t appreciate my effort. That’s why I have to work on my own selfishness. Not everyone shares my love language of receiving gifts. Not everyone associates sentimental feelings with material things.

My efforts might be better spent focusing on one of the other four remaining love languages rather than worrying if my present sends the right message.

All the better for me—more time to shop—for me.

I know, say it with me. Selfish.

I don’t mean to be bad. I don’t want to be selfish. I just am. True confession. But I’m working on it.

Santa probably won’t bring me anything but a sack of coal this season, but I’ll still have fun opening it.

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18 thoughts on “True confessions

  1. I’m the same way! Bracelets, hair bands (given to me by ex-girlfriends), hand drawn pictures, shirts, sunglasses, and even the smallest things, like a bag of peanuts from a first date, are so hard to get rid of, or hard to hide because I attach so much sentimental value to them all. It’s crazy, but the objects mean so much more when you do that.

    • I’m the same way! I’d rather have something that cost nothing as long as it came from the heart than something that cost a fortune, given out of obligation or convenience.

    • I think I have attention deficit disorder when it comes to shopping. I am so easily distracted. I’m fine when I’m around “normal” clothing, but if I’m in a story with flowy, artsy type clothing, then I’m gone. I total forget what I’m doing there. I even get distracted when I shop on Amazon. However, when the gifts I’m giving are very, very special, I will go to the extremes to get them. I’m totally focused then. I get really excited watching the other person’s reaction when opening it. I hope I don’t disappoint. It’s just that all these holiday deals beg for my attention. What’s a girl to do?

  2. Another great read, Tee! 🙂 I can’t quite get into Christmas this year. I used to get so excited about decorating baking… this year it seems like just clutter. I used to be one that would travel to the ends of the earth to get someone what they wanted…. now, they’ve gotta settle for an Amazon gift card! It’s become almost a cliche for Christians but: Jesus is the reason for the Season and that truly brings me joy.

    • Jesus is the reason for the season. Sometimes I wish I could just go to a cabin in the woods and celebrate quietly, peacefully, and reflectively. The whole world seems to be filled with hype, even churches. I know Iam TERRIBLE for saying that. But Sundays became one of hardest days of work due to committee meetings and practices and Bible drills and fundraisers, etc. I just want to go back to the basics.

      But on the other hand, shopping does come with the season, and I’m totally self consumed. I don’t think anyone would have a hard time buying for me. I see it. I want it. How bad is that? 🙂

  3. Whenever I go holiday shopping, I either see lots of things I would love or things that people close to me would love. I always point out stuff, but I know I can’t get too many things. I’ve got to be fair with everyone, in my family and within my friends. Sometimes it can be hard. 😛

    • You are MUCH better than I am. I am addicted to shopping. I try to hold back. I really do. On the other hand, if I am tipping in a restuarant or nail salon, I always tip well, especially at the holidays, because I know how tough times are. I like to bless people. But, gee, I like to shop. 🙂

    • I used to really enjoy learning about the geology and types of rocks, but I just can’t remember. I’ll take the one that comes with a slight sparkle…unless there is a chocolate type of coal. .lol. 🙂

  4. Sorry I didn’t know you when I had my 66 Chevelle, 4 speed, tachometer, positraction rear end, red line tires, 396/360; I wouldn’t have given it to you but I would have taken you for a ride. 🙂

    • A 66 Chevelle is mighty nice. I bet you wish you hadn’t let that one go. They just don’t make cars the way they used too. The new Camaro is nice, but it’s just not the same. The new Dodge Challenger is more like the 68-69 Camaro. (Hey, Santa, if you’re listening, you can leave one of those parked in my drive and hang the keys on my tree.) 🙂

  5. I was catching up on your stories…this one struck a chord with me. I love buying period….but that means I also love shopping for me too! unfortunately…I am not rich lol but i can empathize alot with your feelings…i too have come to the conclusion I am a selfish person….. 🙂

    • Okay, Sharina….maybe we are not selfish. Maybe we are purchasingly challenged. We cannot help but be drawn to cute stuff in stores. I’m not like one of those shopaholics. I don’t max out credit cards, but I do a lot of looking, just a little buying. We should start our own support group…and go shopping! 🙂

  6. Well, at first glance, my one Christmas wish may not seem selfish at all. I want my kids – the ones we have yet to meet, or even see a picture of- HOME. Because we are missing another “thing” in their lives, waiting on some dumb paperwork snag.
    But really, it all comes down to selfishness. I am praying and hoping and believing they are in a safe, loving foster home. I want them home simply because I WANT them HOME. And Christmas would be a lot happier if they were. 🙂
    As it is, I’m planning to enjoy a (hopefully last) quiet, peaceful morning at home, in my pj’s, not sharing my chocolate with anyone! I want to say that next year, I will share my chocolate, but I have visions of hiding in the laundry room sneaking little bites. 😉

    • Christmas is supposed to be a time of great joy, but sometimes it makes me sad. I will work through this phase. I know that too many dreams go unfullfilled. Unfullfilled dreams lead to hopelessness. That makes me sad. I know the Truth, so I have hope. But I care about other people who are struggling.

      As for the chocolate, indulge, and don’t you dare feel guilty. Just don’t tell me where it is. I’m not promising anything.

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