Falling backwards

Once an English teacher, always an English teacher…I guess. I live my life in metaphors. I’ve reached the point in which I can’t think in simple terms. Lessons learned come to me in imagery, painted on my heart, my mind, my soul.

What lesson have I learned lately? Life is hard.

And on those days when I just feel as though Igive way to the stress weighing me down, I imagine myself falling backwards, hoping that there will be somebody there to catch me because I can’t catch myself anymore.

I love my two sons with a tenacity that no other mother’s love could match. Son Number One is off at college learning how to live life “on his own.” In just one week of apartment living, his building has caught fire,
and his car has a flat tire. Ah, college life.

Son Number Two has grown another inch in the last week, or so it seems. He almost looked me eye to eye tonight. Our noses almost touched. He’s my baby, and the thought of my little imp growing up leaves me heart broken. I can’t compete for his attention anymore. He has discovered girls and cell phones. Life will never be the same.

I was looking through some old pictures and found my younger son’s snow angel picture from last year’s “blizzard.” It made me think. Wouldn’t it be great during our times of trouble if we could just fall backwards and know one of God’s angels was there to catch us?

Today I had a check up at the doctor. He was a little concerned about the stressors in my life, and his advice was for me to let people take care of me for a while. I couldn’t help but think of my snow angel. Maybe God has his own “snow angels” on earth to catch people when they’re about to fall.

The truth is I have had many, many people taking care of me—my walking friends at the park and at school; my students, both former and present, who surprise me with cards and gifts and balloons; my closest friends who let me share a little bit of the “imperfect” real me; and my family, who literally keep me going day to day. I can’t sufficiently express my gratitude.

I miss writing. But it’s difficult for a wounded heart to let go and fall backwards into a pool of imagination and dreams. A couple of Sundays ago I awoke with the idea for a novel from start to finish. I believe the idea was a gift from God, just a little incentive to remind me there’s something there waiting on me when I feel like writing again. He’s waiting to catch me too.

Sometimes we just need to rest to heal. And sometimes the best prescription for a wounded heart is the presence of a trusted friend.

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14 thoughts on “Falling backwards

  1. God will always catch you, and so will the people that love you the most. They will always be there. No matter what. I am betting angels are always around even if we don’t know it. Hopefully, you will able to fill your prescription so to speak.

    • Thanks Emily. I do believe there are angels all around us. I think about the verse that speaks of entertaining angels unaware. In my case, being the goofball I am, I probably am ENTERTAINING the angels. I can imagine them saying, as they keep me out of trouble, “Here we go again.”

  2. Always know that I’m with you. I can’t find the right words to say what I want to say, but I want you to know that I am always there with you. 🙂

    The words will come. You are so amazing, and I wish I was there to give you a nice warm hug.

    • I really do miss you. You will always, always, always be special to me. Thanks for the encouragement, and I hope you are hanging in there with your writing and dreams. I am so proud of you.

  3. In the quiet, love is reaching. Be still and know that, even when you’re lost and lonely, when hope is gone… you’re not alone. God loves you. O:-)

  4. I am trying to get the word out about a special project Martin Methodist College is constructing. It’s called the Human Compassion Project. MMC is building a park called Compassion Park to show the history of the Trail of Tears, the Civil Rights Movement (Pulaski is the origin of the KKK), and the Tragedy of 9/11. Can you help me?

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